In 2021, I was in in Seattle. Having been in the US for about 1.5 years, a simple question popped in my head: Does buying milk and paneer support the beef industry?
I had always loved dairy products—milk, paneer, ghee, cheese, and curd. My friends knew well about this trait of mine during my undergraduate years. But once that question arose, the answer became obvious. Dairy products were co-products, not by-products of animal exploitation. Without the dairy industry, red meat would be far more expensive and less consumed. This meant I was directly supporting the meat industry, something I opposed, given my vegetarian upbringing. As appealing/ consoling it might be to think, it is not true that milk would be produced anyway as long as meat was consumed.
I had long advocated for not purchasing leather for exactly the same reason, that it was a co-product and hence just another industry directly supporting the exploitation of cows. Making the connection to dairy wasn’t difficult, especially seeing meat and dairy side by side in US grocery stores. I might not have made this connection myself in India. I would only have first learned about the various forms of suffering in the dairy industry through online sources if I got lucky/ fortunate enough to come across someone campaigning/ talking about it.
This led to the next question: When do cows produce milk? I knew human mothers produce milk after pregnancy but wasn’t certain about cows. In fact, I found later that most people don’t realize that cows, like humans, only produce milk after pregnancy. It sounds odd, but it is true! I would have backed this by some statistics, I will probably do that later. This question sent me down a rabbit hole of learning about a dairy cow’s lifecycle and the various forms of suffering involved. Not supporting the meat industry was just the tip of the iceberg. There are various other reasons that make the case of not consuming dairy even stronger:
- Mother cows and calves are separated immediately after birth.
- We consume milk meant for the calves.
- Male calves are sent for slaughter (no economic value).
- Female calves repeat their mothers’ cycle: forced repeated pregnancies until they’re too weak and sent to slaughter, well before their natural lifespan.
After learning some of this, I stopped consuming milk for about a week or so. Then began a series of phases which were a combination of my misconceptions and my attachment to dairy, despite having good intentions.
1) My first misconception:
One such phase was during my stay in Seattle: I searched extensively for farms in USA that would ensure that none of these harms occurred—what some call “Ahimsa milk.” I later realized that I was wrong. Such farms cannot exist. “Ahimsa Milk” is a misnomer. The various forms of pain are nearly impossible to avoid. But at that time, I found a temple-associated farm and got milk and paneer from there. I went to great lengths to do that – travelled in a bus for 2-3 hours round trip on a weekend just for that. I went to such an extent because I cared a lot about this issue and was ready to do a lot to meet solutions if they existed. I later learned that I was wrong (I remember reading an experience of someone working at an “Ahimsa milk” farm, I couldn’t find the link again to paste it here).
2) The other misconception I had during the same time:
Another misconception was the thinking that dairy was essential for my health. I had been underweight almost all my life and was determined to improve my health after completing my Masters. But dairy wasn’t going to improve my health, it was probably acting against it. My health improved dramatically in late 2024, well after giving up dairy completely, reaching levels that I have never experienced earlier in my life.
3) And the final misconception that was last to be resolved:
Another such phase was when I wrongly assumed that the suffering I’d learned about didn’t exist in India. I consumed cheese that came from India. And bought ghee from an online store in India that very convincingly claimed harm-free, “Ahimsak” practices with a lot of detail. I even made an effort to meet the business owner in person when he visited the US, asking directly about my concerns. Over time, it became clear these weren’t the solutions I hoped for.
Around this time, I truly discovered veganism—a word I’d previously dismissed as just a “western version of vegetarianism.” I wrongly assumed vegans simply didn’t know that milk could be obtained without harming cows. How mistaken I was! I thought they were applying blanket restrictions without understanding real violence, when in fact they understood far more than I did.
So, in a way, I got to veganism after dismissing the word. It is not the word itself that is of essence, but what it means. And while the word originated in the West, its true essence is that of non-harming/ Ahimsa, something that was is close of everyone’s heart.
Eventually, after uncovering the full truth about dairy, I gave up all dairy products (sometime in 2023).
Learnings from Personal Pain
I suffered from cluster headaches from 2016 to about 2023—a condition known as “suicide headaches” for their extreme pain. For about a month each year, I endured 1-2 hour attacks daily. They drained all my energy and brought life to a halt. Each attack often brought fever, racing heart rate, and unbearable shooting pain in the head. Someone even called 911 once during my Masters when I passed out in a bathroom (I had actually gone to sit in the bathroom so that others don’t get scared of my situation, I was waiting for the attack to pass).
But this experience taught me that my pain pales compared to what billions of animals face daily in dairy farms, factory farms, and even wild animals trapped in wildfires (indirectly caused by climate change that we’re responsible for).
Unexpected Positives Along the Journey
Health improvements: I had always been severely underweight. Starting in late 2024, I gained about 10kg of healthy weight (mostly muscle). My cluster headaches also stopped and giving up dairy might have been a reason because we know that dairy causes inflammation. Further, when my last cluster headache season occurred, I had much more resilience to brace for them. Now, I am free of them, they haven’t occurred even since.
Personal growth: I learned to balance two sides of the same coin—being open to new ideas that expose my ignorance while still standing up steadfast for truth peacefully when I know it well.
Better relationships: Despite many difficult conversations about giving up dairy, I learned how to discuss sensitive topics and make progress. These conversations actually strengthened my relationships: we learned more about ourselves and grew together.
Increased awareness: I’m more informed about how the world works and try my best to stay current with information/ news, knowing that without knowledge, I can’t understand my actions’ consequences in an ever-changing world.
Effective advocacy: I learned to speak up for the truth. And ways to help others see what you’ve seen, while being rooting in good will. It’s our duty to do the best to help others understand the violence and act differently, but their right to understand and learn on their own terms. This is an important pillar for true lasting change as well.
Living intentinally, being aware about the limitation of time, energy and other resources: Whatever I do has an opportunity cost. Many times in the day, I have to choose how I want to act (which impacts everyone else in some way). So, taking a step back, figuring out what matters more is important while remaining vigilant against complacency. I will elaborate more on this later.
Family in action: My family is now very supportive and active in this movement. Let’s see how it goes!
If I met my past self what would I do:
I always wish someone had just told me the full truth in 5 mins. It took me about 1.5 years to full understand everything and clear the misconceptions, something that I could have easily googled. I vaguely remember that I did research a lot but the marketing and humane-washing so strong that I fell for it. I hope I hadn’t fallen for it. I would have been very thankful if someone had told me everything at once, even if it meant a little discomfort, even if I acted defensive in that situation. I hope nobody has to wait for chance occurrences (such the the question popping in my head). Everyone has the right to know the full truth when something is grossly misaligned with what they are faslely told by the world.
I always hope that I had changed my actions earlier in life. But hey, while earlier is better, now is way better than never.
Looking Forward
I haven’t yet aligned my full-time work with these values, but I’ve realized I need to focus on advancing plant-based foods—a top but under-recognized solution for climate change and other ecological issues.
We don’t like pain, and we all inherently want others to be pain-free. It is hard to find someone who would not want less pain for all beings. Let’s find our agency and consciousness. All beings on our planet are experiencing or will experience great pain. Let’s fix this. We have the will and minds to do it.
Many problems need solving, new solutions need creating. There are fascinating problems to tackle in transitioning our systems to be more Ahimsak. This requires people from all walks of life. Let’s apply ancient wisdom to modern times.
Recommendations
- Watch “12 Angry Men”
- Read “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg
- Keep observing how you think and act—if you work in tech, I call this “running yourself in debug mode”
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